Playing the blame game

If you’ve been following the blame game you’ll find a number of amusing posts.  It all started with Mortigan.  He blames the tanks.  Then Amber tried to blame the DPS.  Well that’s clearly wrong.  Then Kyrilean of Casual Hardcore thought maybe Blizzard was to blame.

No no.  Heres the real picture:

WARNING!  This post is high in sarcasm and low in actual usefulness.  If you are on a sarcasm free diet please stop reading now.

Wipe #1

Cause of Wipe: The Tank just sucks.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  The tank’s confidence has been fatally undermined by a constant stream of abuse hurled at them by arrogant whiners who believe they are better.  Even when they die.  Or don’t listen to the raid leader and do it wrong.
Possible Solutions: All Whiners should by identified at an early stage so the tanks can put them on ignore.

Wipe #2

Cause of Wipe: The Tank dies.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  The healer’s confidence has been fatally undermined by a constant stream of abuse hurled at them by arrogant whiners who believe they are better.  Even when they die.  Or don’t listen to the raid leader and do it wrong.
Possible Solutions: All Whiners should by identified at an early stage so the healers can put them on ignore.

Wipe #3

Cause of Wipe: Boss immediately ignores Tank and 1-shots the DPSers.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  They overaggro and then try to place the blame elsewhere.
Possible Solutions: Whiners shouldn’t be told when the tank is about to pull.  This builds in the necessary time for the tank to actually use an ability and gain some aggro before the Whiners kick in.

Wipe #4

Cause of Wipe: The Healer dies.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  They were so busy spamming /raid with QQ the poor healers didn’t see their DBM warnings.
Possible Solutions: See #1 and #2.

Wipe #5

Cause of Wipe: The adds are killing everyone.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  Instead of following raid instructions, the Whiners are attempting to up their DPS by attacking adds too.  And surprise, surprise they aggro them since the tank is not expecting some moron to be generating aggro.
Possible Solutions: Tank must assume all Whiners are aggro whores and anticipate this type of behaviour.

Wipe #6

Cause of Wipe: The DPS is too low, and the boss Enrages.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  They are so busy whining in /raid they aren’t actually doing any dps.
Possible Solutions: Replace them.

Wipe #7

Cause of Wipe: The Healer dies, even though you have a rocking Tank.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  They pull aggro, which they properly dumped, leaving the mobs to attack the poor healer who had been spam healing them.
Possible Solutions: See 6.

Wipe #8

Cause of Wipe: People don’t know the fights.
Person to Blame: Whiners.  They constantly tell everyone in the guild that all the fights are incredibly easy.  They then fail to perform and ask questions like ‘So why are those random people loosing health on Anub? Or ‘Why am I losing health when I collect those light orbs to my shadowy self?’
Possible Solutions: /facepalm

Disclaimer:  This post was a political broadcast by the Plebs for Epics party. Morrighan accepts that not all people who overaggro are Elitist Whiners and that other factors are needed to identify those who torment us so.

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